Sunday, September 4, 2011

You will not conquer me.

I have a fear...that's not quite the right word, but it'll do, of the telephone. Not of it ringing, but of me calling people, talking to them.

Now, part of it stems from being hearing impaired. But to hide behind this is a bit of a cop out. It's more.

Some days I'm fine. I'll make a stream of calls. But other days, I procrastinate and avoid even making simple calls (like making appointments).

And then days where i'll hold the phone, write out scripts, give myself prep talks and procrastinate on pinterest looking for images depicting inspiring quotes to boost my confidence.


I know it's part of a broader 'socially anxious and somewhat socially awkward' personality I have.
At times it impacts on my life. Lost friends, lost hours, lost opportunities.

In face to face situations I get by. But the phone.....oh my do I hate the phone.

And now I have a job that requires regular phone usage. I'm also co-running a business which also requires using the phone.

This will not conquer me.